Parenting

Hunt, Gather, Parent (Export)

Hunt, Gather, Parent (Export)

  • Downloads：1291
  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2021-05-27 08:51:50
  • Update Date：2025-09-06
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Michaeleen Doucleff
  • ISBN：1982172401
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Summary

When Dr。 Michaeleen Doucleff becomes a mother， she examines the studies behind modern parenting guidance and finds the evidence frustratingly limited and the conclusions often ineffective。 Curious to learn about more effective parenting approaches， she visits a Maya village in the Yucatán Peninsula。 There she encounters moms and dads who parent in a totally different way than we do—and raise extraordinarily kind， generous， and helpful children without yelling， nagging， or issuing timeouts。 What else， Doucleff wonders， are Western parents missing out on？

In Hunt， Gather， Parent， Doucleff sets out with her three-year-old daughter in tow to learn and practice parenting strategies from families in three of the world’s most venerable communities: Maya families in Mexico， Inuit families above the Arctic Circle， and Hadzabe families in Tanzania。 She sees that these cultures don’t have the same problems with children that Western parents do。 Most strikingly， parents build a relationship with young children that is vastly different from the one many Western parents develop—it’s built on cooperation instead of control， trust instead of fear， and personalized needs instead of standardized development milestones。

Maya parents are masters at raising cooperative children。 Without resorting to bribes， threats， or chore charts， Maya parents rear loyal helpers by including kids in household tasks from the time they can walk。 Inuit parents have developed a remarkably effective approach for teaching children emotional intelligence。 When kids cry， hit， or act out， Inuit parents respond with a calm， gentle demeanor that teaches children how to settle themselves down and think before acting。 Hadzabe parents are world experts on raising confident， self-driven kids with a simple tool that protects children from stress and anxiety， so common now among American kids。

Not only does Doucleff live with families and observe their techniques firsthand， she also applies them with her own daughter， with striking results。 She learns to discipline without yelling。 She talks to psychologists， neuroscientists， anthropologists， and sociologists and explains how these strategies can impact children’s mental health and development。 Filled with practical takeaways that parents can implement immediately， Hunt， Gather， Parent helps us rethink the ways we relate to our children， and reveals a universal parenting paradigm adapted for American families。

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Reviews

Summer Meyers ，

I mean。。。 sure。 You've got some valid points in here， Doucleff。 This was an enjoyable quick read and offered what I thought was interesting insight into parenting in three distinct cultures。 The lay out was fantastic with lots of practical tips and action plans。 Some of it I call baloney on。 And I think that's fair to say because she is viewing these practices with the "Western Parenting Lens"。 Actually， its funny because a lot of the parenting things she discusses in here is what a lot of Unsch I mean。。。 sure。 You've got some valid points in here， Doucleff。 This was an enjoyable quick read and offered what I thought was interesting insight into parenting in three distinct cultures。 The lay out was fantastic with lots of practical tips and action plans。 Some of it I call baloney on。 And I think that's fair to say because she is viewing these practices with the "Western Parenting Lens"。 Actually， its funny because a lot of the parenting things she discusses in here is what a lot of Unschoolers do。 I think if she took a closer look at the homeschool community she might come back surprised。 A lot of this stuff works because children are not locked away into a school house for 7 hours a day and are a member of a vibrant community。 This is also a toddler parenting book。 Not a whole lot beyond school age。 Nothing in here is wrong， and a lot of it is fantastic， but I think she missed the mark on why this stuff works。 I guess the question is， can you take parenting techniques out of one culture and implement them in a completely different one successfully。。。？ Maybe？ 。。。more

Christine O'Boyle ，

So。Many。Anecdotes！ So much beating a dead horse。 The concept is fascinating。 The teachings from other cultures so interesting。 But a very detailed anecdote for every single thing got old really fast。 So fast！

Kassandra ，

I feel complicated about this book。 In general and overall， I largely agree with her parenting philosophy and the idea that children can be taught autonomy and being a member of a group。 There are a few specific pieces of advice that I disagree with and it has a very "noble savage" type of trope about it。 I feel complicated about this book。 In general and overall， I largely agree with her parenting philosophy and the idea that children can be taught autonomy and being a member of a group。 There are a few specific pieces of advice that I disagree with and it has a very "noble savage" type of trope about it。 。。。more

Katie ，

If you need help parenting start here。I loved this book so much。 It has so much insight into things I question being told as a parent in this culture。 It has encouraged me to stop commanding as much and enjoy a quieter less stressful relationship with my three year old。 I'm definitely trying out all the methods she discusses and the ones I've started using already have helped us have better days already！ If you need help parenting start here。I loved this book so much。 It has so much insight into things I question being told as a parent in this culture。 It has encouraged me to stop commanding as much and enjoy a quieter less stressful relationship with my three year old。 I'm definitely trying out all the methods she discusses and the ones I've started using already have helped us have better days already！ 。。。more

Amanda Schneider ，

There was definitely some helpful information in here。。。 some thoughts I’ve heard already， some were new and intriguing。 Some things lined up with my current understanding of parenting， and some things didn’t quite mesh。While I greatly appreciate the deep dive into the ways other cultures handle parenting， I wish there was a little less story and set up。 I ended up skimming half because it could have been a little more concise for my preferences。

Lindsay ，

The most practical and useful parenting book I have ever read。

Aime ，

So I was very skeptic of the book about 100 pages in white recommendations that included getting rid of all child focused toys， taking your child to work with you 4-6hrs/wk， and stopping any child focused activities。 I thought to myself - what US jobs are fine with a tagging along toddler and hey - I enjoy going to the zoo and play dates。 However， I was determined to finish the book and I’m glad I did。 While it might not all be something I will implement - I am taking some nuggets away on focusi So I was very skeptic of the book about 100 pages in white recommendations that included getting rid of all child focused toys， taking your child to work with you 4-6hrs/wk， and stopping any child focused activities。 I thought to myself - what US jobs are fine with a tagging along toddler and hey - I enjoy going to the zoo and play dates。 However， I was determined to finish the book and I’m glad I did。 While it might not all be something I will implement - I am taking some nuggets away on focusing on togetherness， feeding my child’s helpfulness， and providing my children with autonomy。 I would definitely recommend it to anybody thinking about different parenting styles and figuring out what works best for them。 。。。more

Briana Grider ，

I was really excited to read this book but I ended up struggling to get through it。 I found the topic interesting but think that in the end the execution fell short。 The author had some parenting advice I liked， some things I already do， and some I hated。 The summaries at the end of the chapters was the best part about this book。 I wish I would of got more out of this book， but it was thought provoking if anything。

Carol ，

Why Western culture is WEIRD and a lot of common sense that our parenting has forgotten over the last 75-500 years。 Some fair critiques in other reviews

E ，

Thoroughly enjoyable & informative I loved this book。 Such interesting info and perspectives！ I will probably re read to digest all of the info。

Audrey ，

I read this book because I was creating a list of suggested reading on parenting during public health crises at work， and I had heard about this one on the news。 While this book is not specifically related to parenting during a pandemic/public health crisis， I was very intrigued that Michaeleen Doucleff covered global infectious diseases as an NPR journalist prior to this project。Doucleff poses important questions that resonate with many folks - though surely not all， by any means - who were rai I read this book because I was creating a list of suggested reading on parenting during public health crises at work， and I had heard about this one on the news。 While this book is not specifically related to parenting during a pandemic/public health crisis， I was very intrigued that Michaeleen Doucleff covered global infectious diseases as an NPR journalist prior to this project。Doucleff poses important questions that resonate with many folks - though surely not all， by any means - who were raised in the United States。 She includes summary sections that are great for busy parents who don't feel like they have time to read an entire book， and in fact， some of the suggestions have the greatest impact when they aren't accompanied by longer explanations and demonstrations。 On the other hand， the writing feels rushed， and Doucleff makes some generalizations about parenting styles across cultures， including "Western" parenting， that often feel more problematic than productive。 While it appears that she did a vast amount of research， she doesn't cite much of it， and what she does cite feels a little too anecdotal。 She also focuses heavily on women （specifically in the context of mother-daughter relationships） throughout the book， all the while talking about the importance of alloparenting。 Some of this is natural because she specifically wanted to improve her own relationship with her daughter， but she could have highlighted some other alloparental figures。 I ultimately would recommend this book - or at least， to try this book - because it will make many people reconsider how they treat children in a way that generally supports the autonomy and dignity of the child （there are exceptions， but I think a lot of them are personal to the reader's own values， so I won't elaborate on my reaction to certain details here！）。 I would， however， caution readers to be wary of the cultural commentary。 In that regard， Doucleff misses the mark。 。。。more

Julie Coffin ，

I would round this to a 4。5！ Although I didn’t agree with everything， I loved the premise and look forward to using some of the broader ideas in my classroom。 It was fun reading about her interactions and experiences while she travelled， as well as， learning about the different cultures。 Although it was repetitive at times， I would recommend this book for those with more open minds about parenting。

Leah ，

I mean。。 it’s a white woman teaching brown culture。 It made me deeply uncomfortable， even if she donates 30% of her profit， it isn’t her culture。 It’s like cultural tourism voyeurism and more than a little cringeyWhere are the men and boys？ All the examples of helpful children are girls helping with chores while boys play in the yard。 And where are the dads？The absolutes are so click baity。 No toys！ But okay some toys， and give away toys every month。 No praise！ But okay some praise but have no p I mean。。 it’s a white woman teaching brown culture。 It made me deeply uncomfortable， even if she donates 30% of her profit， it isn’t her culture。 It’s like cultural tourism voyeurism and more than a little cringeyWhere are the men and boys？ All the examples of helpful children are girls helping with chores while boys play in the yard。 And where are the dads？The absolutes are so click baity。 No toys！ But okay some toys， and give away toys every month。 No praise！ But okay some praise but have no praise days。 Children raising children is a no from me。 Shaming children by labeling them with negative character traits is a helllll no from me。 I do like all the independent “let kids be helpful” part of the family stuff。 But all that’s in Montessori toddler。 。。。more

Sari Fordham ，

Obviously， there are no perfect parents， just like there is no one with a perfect diet。 I say this as someone who is part of a community （Seventh-day Adventists） that is often studied for our amazing diet。 Yes， as a whole， we live longer， but you would laugh to see what I eat。 So I went into this book very aware that all people are complex and that community norms are just that。 However， I also believe you can learn a lot from how other people approach parenting， and I found that to be true here Obviously， there are no perfect parents， just like there is no one with a perfect diet。 I say this as someone who is part of a community （Seventh-day Adventists） that is often studied for our amazing diet。 Yes， as a whole， we live longer， but you would laugh to see what I eat。 So I went into this book very aware that all people are complex and that community norms are just that。 However， I also believe you can learn a lot from how other people approach parenting， and I found that to be true here。 I particularly appreciated the author's balance between personal narrative and research。 What I will take away is inviting my child to do more tasks with me， to meet high energy （anger） with low energy （calmness）， to avoid telling my child how to feel or what to say， and to pay attention to how many requests I make per hour。 Perhaps this book's thesis would be to treat your child with the same respect that you would treat any other person。 。。。more

Katherine ，

tl;dr this book is good for people who are interested in how moms in non-American cultures approach challenges of raising little kids， or if you are similar to the author in being at your wits end with your little kid but learning best from observing a whole integrated approach （cultural practices vs。 pick and choose from different popular books）。I think this is one of those books that's not been set up for success by its marketing。 I think learning about how other cultures do things is an incre tl;dr this book is good for people who are interested in how moms in non-American cultures approach challenges of raising little kids， or if you are similar to the author in being at your wits end with your little kid but learning best from observing a whole integrated approach （cultural practices vs。 pick and choose from different popular books）。I think this is one of those books that's not been set up for success by its marketing。 I think learning about how other cultures do things is an incredibly fascinating topic， but I also can't help but roll my eyes at yet another parenting book positioning itself as saying non-Americans do it better than Americans。 And this is with me agreeing with so many of the proposed alternative strategies too！ You never see a more thorough reflection about who benefits in the American system:* kids and young adults can pursue their own interests if they aren't contributing to collective care for younger children* adults who don't like kids can be away from kids* I expect there's a lot more diversity of approaches that American families take， as compared to cultures that strongly emphasize The One Right Way We Do Things* increasing （at least， I hope） expectation that boys and fathers will also develop their emotional resiliency and caregiving skills （there are a handful of involved dads included， but no older boys helping out the family in the way that the older girls do）etc。Everything's a tradeoff but there are still benefits to an individualistic society that a lot of people happily partake in， until they have babies， at which point you realize that we are definitely not meant to raise kids in such an isolated way。This should have been positioned as like， memoir of a mom who took her toddler on trips to remote areas and improved her parenting skills in an immersion environment--with helpful， realistic takeaways to bring back to the U。S。 The summaries of tips are really well done actually， with the reasoning laid out and practical examples given。 It's just that despite the author trying not to fetishize non-（white） American cultures （and walking the walk by giving 35% of her advance to the families and communities she stayed with）， I feel like plenty of these ideas are derivable from the right American parenting books just fine。 Extensive international travel was not necessary at all。 Examples: The Whole Brain Child （directly referenced）， How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk， Free-Range Parenting， Montessori and RIE books， etc。 I'm not happy about it but I definitely judged the author's research skills （via books） a lot until she shared more of her background in growing up in a "viciously angry home" and how isolated she was postpartum。 Good on her for being as vulnerable and honest as she was about her approach prior to taking these trips。============================A bit of history on American parenting:* by diving up powerful families and clans， the church likely set off a chain reaction that shifted the way people think and what they value。。。the longer a community had been exposed to the Catholic Church's marriage restrictions， the more likely people in that community thought like Westerners do--that is， they valued individualism， nonconformity， and other psychological traits unique to the West。* the advice books we have today， which are 'swollen descendants of terse little booklets written by eighteenth-century doctors for the use of nurse in the foundling hospitals'* In the 1960s， parenting experts used guilt， shame， and fear to charge American parents with a new task: stimulate， instruct， and teach children， at every moment。 This high-energy， high-talking approach stuck like superglue in American culture。 We take the practice for granted。Western culture is likely the only place where the concept of 'self-esteem' exists--and we are definitely the only culture that requires parents to maintain and cultivate it in their children。。。the approach requires that parents spend a great deal of time and energy monitoring their children's behavior* you see this same pattern repeating again and again in key aspects of Western parenting。 A practice comes along at the right time in history; it becomes overhyped by the media， psychologists， pediatricians， public health experts， or all four combined; and then its importance is amplified by a product you must buy or a scary self-help book you must read。* Why do I feel the need to control Rosy's behavior so much？ To guide and narrow her path through the world？ 。。。I reach a simple conclusion: I think this is what a good parent does。 I believe that the more I say to Rosy--and the more I instruct her--the better parent I am。 I believe that all these commands will keep Rosy safe and teach her to be a respectful， kind person。Ideas I learned:* acomedido: it's not just doing a chore or task because someone told you to; it's knowing which kind of help is appropriate at a particular moment because you're paying attention* When you invite the child to help， remember the invitation is always to work together。 You're not asking the child to perform the task alone。Praise。。。can cause strife among siblings， because praise breeds competition。 * Psychologists have found that when young children grow up hearing frequent praise， they learn， from an early age， to compete with siblings for approval and attention from their parents。* When a child breaks rules， acts demanding， or seems "willful，" their parents need to put them to work。 The child is saying， "Hey， Mom， I'm underemployed over here and it doesn't feel good。"Ideas I already agreed with:* Children don't see a difference between adult work and play。。。Parents don't need to know how to play with kids。 If we get kids involved in adult activities， that's play for kids。* parents and other caretakers don't constantly give instructions， commands， and warnings* Every time you stop yourself from acting in anger， your child sees a calm way to deal with frustrations。 They learn to stay composed when anger arises。 So to help a child learn emotional regulation， the number one thing parents can do is learn to regulate their own emotions。* Instead of characterizing young children as manipulative button-pushers trying to make us angry， what if we think of them as illogical， newbie citizens trying to figure out the proper behavior？* See tantrums as a chance for the child to practice calming themselves down， and for you to model calmness--not the time for you， as their parent， to prove a point。* American parents tend to rely on verbal instruction and explanations to change children's behavior。 But words are often the least effective way to communicate with children， especially young children。* they believe that children know best how to learn and grow。 Anything a parent says--the vast majority of the time--will only get in the child's way。* the formula: practice， model， and acknowledge* multiage playgroups not only give parents extra time to themselves， they also give children a physical and mental boost [like mixed age Montessori classrooms]* the ideas are described as a "universal parenting approach" which sounds grandiose at first but I think it does generally track， in that brain development in kids is pretty consistent across history and the world; nonetheless， Magda Gerber and Maria Montessori were already way on top of many of these aspects thanks to observing a lot of children。Phrasings I identified with:* I didn't know how to be a good mother。 Never before had I been so bad at something that I wanted to be good at。 Never before had the gap between my actual skill and the skill level I desired been so crushingly wide。* In Western culture， we tend to think of motherhood as 'an instinct that comes as naturally to women as the sex drive does to men'。。。But in reality， parenting is a learned skill。 （imo this is true， Americans are really into the idea of "listening to your gut"）* Here in the U。S。， we overestimate children's emotional abilities。 We expect children at a very young age--even eighteen months to two years old--to have well-developed executive function and to understand sophisticated emotional concepts such as respect， generosity， and self-control。 And when they don't demonstrate these qualities， we become frustrated and lose patience with them。 Many Inuit parents view children from an opposing perspective。 They *expect* children to have poor executive function and poor emotional control， and they see it as their job to teach children these skills。 Basically， when a child doesn't listen or behave， the reason is simple: The child hasn't learned that particular skill yet。 And perhaps， they aren't quite ready to learn it。 So there's no reason for a parent to get upset or angry。Ideas I disagree with:* The questions aren't accusatory or denigrating [ex: "Who made this mess？" "Who's ignoring me？" "What am I， a trash can？"。 They aren't meant to make a child defensive。 [can be effective if playful， but generally seem very easy to be accusatory/passive-aggressive and escalate a frustration]* parents can teach children which emotions aren't valued in the home by not responding to those emotions。 [this is done by ignoring/looking past the child]* She accepted her discomfort。 She learned to control her emotions， and she did it all by herself。 [I'm skeptical， I think it's more learning to withhold expression of feelings]* the author does a thing of putting helicopter parenting and free-range parenting at opposite ends of a spectrum about controlling kids， which is a misunderstanding 。。。more

Ali T ，

I liked it so much I bought the hard copy。 Now to implement the things she said。

Diane ，

Thought-provoking book that shows how other cultures （Mayan， Inuit， and African tribal） raise children in households that are calm and in which children share， do productive work， and generally thrive—not through constant instruction and telling， but through practice， modeling， and acknowledgement of contribution。Less talking。 Less praise。 Less correction。 Less control。 Less answering for the child。I will start by not saying “Good job！” to every little thing my 1-year old granddaughter accomplis Thought-provoking book that shows how other cultures （Mayan， Inuit， and African tribal） raise children in households that are calm and in which children share， do productive work， and generally thrive—not through constant instruction and telling， but through practice， modeling， and acknowledgement of contribution。Less talking。 Less praise。 Less correction。 Less control。 Less answering for the child。I will start by not saying “Good job！” to every little thing my 1-year old granddaughter accomplishes。 Instead， I will say “That was helpful” or “You are becoming a big girl”。 。。。more

Aric ，

I will be thinking about and discussing this one for awhile。The tone can be off-putting， but the parenting approaches described here are quite different from trends in American parenting， and worth considering。 Do they apply to neuroatypical kids？ Are they dependent on being surrounded by the culture that created them？ I don't know。 Time may tell。。。。 I will be thinking about and discussing this one for awhile。The tone can be off-putting， but the parenting approaches described here are quite different from trends in American parenting， and worth considering。 Do they apply to neuroatypical kids？ Are they dependent on being surrounded by the culture that created them？ I don't know。 Time may tell。。。。 。。。more

Megan Roberts ，

There were so many things in this book that I really loved but it was also extremely problematic。 Would recommend with a large grain of salt。

Kati Higginbotham ，

This book is legit black magic。 My two year old has learned in a week to put away his toys on his own。 I’m seriously shocked。 To all of the WASPY Montessori moms triggered that other cultures don’t parent the way they do。 THATS THE POINT。 Great parenting book （which is really like stop trying to be so white all over your kids and let them just learn to let them be）。 Definitely a great read！

Sandy ，

Excellent， practical advice that resonated much with the traditional parenting I received while growing up in Korea in a large extended family sharing a small space。

kt ，

100% recommend。 Extremely practical。 Honest and thought provoking。

Alice ，

Geat book， I saw immediate results because I was prompted to first change my own attitude and perspective。 Once I realised I needed to change my own expectations of my children first then I started applying some of the techniques on my kids。 Already my oldest is helping more around the house， my youngest is more calm。 I borrowed this book from the library but have purchased my own copy now。 I love that this book didn't just preach at me about how I should behave， it also gave me tools on how to Geat book， I saw immediate results because I was prompted to first change my own attitude and perspective。 Once I realised I needed to change my own expectations of my children first then I started applying some of the techniques on my kids。 Already my oldest is helping more around the house， my youngest is more calm。 I borrowed this book from the library but have purchased my own copy now。 I love that this book didn't just preach at me about how I should behave， it also gave me tools on how to put things into practice。 I'm talking step-by-step guidelines and a number of different techniques I can implement。 This was something I have often found lacking in other parenting books。 They have always told me what to do but not how to do it。 I found the book just the right balance of practical tips and personal insight with the author reflecting on her journey with her own child。 I found I could really relate to a lot of behaviour described in the book， from both her and her daughter。 Thank you for writing this book！ 。。。more

Amandanoel ，

At times it definitely suffered from the “this should have been an article not a book” feeling of being a bit stretched/Repetitive HOWEVER that doesn’t take away from some really great ideas in the book and really interesting stories。 Absolutely more soft science/examples and stories as opposed to studies so just a heads up about that。 Also- not sure if I am relieved or even more frustrated that many of the examples cited in the book deal with societal/structural attitudes and practices around c At times it definitely suffered from the “this should have been an article not a book” feeling of being a bit stretched/Repetitive HOWEVER that doesn’t take away from some really great ideas in the book and really interesting stories。 Absolutely more soft science/examples and stories as opposed to studies so just a heads up about that。 Also- not sure if I am relieved or even more frustrated that many of the examples cited in the book deal with societal/structural attitudes and practices around children and childcare。。。 。。。more

LL Callahan ，

I read the book and there are many helpful parenting ideas。 However I wish to make clear that the author grew up in two different homes since her parents divorce in 1988。 She did not grow up in rural Virginia。 Yelling， slamming doors and shoe throwing did not occur in the home with two of her three siblings as they are my sons。 Also no one in our immediate family owned a pair of Doc Martens but I do know the author did。 In 2000 Ms。 Doucleff became estranged from our family。 Since this time attem I read the book and there are many helpful parenting ideas。 However I wish to make clear that the author grew up in two different homes since her parents divorce in 1988。 She did not grow up in rural Virginia。 Yelling， slamming doors and shoe throwing did not occur in the home with two of her three siblings as they are my sons。 Also no one in our immediate family owned a pair of Doc Martens but I do know the author did。 In 2000 Ms。 Doucleff became estranged from our family。 Since this time attempts to reconcile have failed。 。。。more

Polly Callahan ，

how to raise children;

Mary ，

In popular press books， and especially in parenting books， there's always the figure of the editor and the publisher lurking behind the author。 Did Doucleff really want to research， write and publish about "What Ancient Cultures can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy， Helpful Humans" or does this tag and concept nicely dovetail into a cultural obsession with how anyone thousands of years ago and/or in another country does things better than we do here and now？ Does this book bridge the In popular press books， and especially in parenting books， there's always the figure of the editor and the publisher lurking behind the author。 Did Doucleff really want to research， write and publish about "What Ancient Cultures can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy， Helpful Humans" or does this tag and concept nicely dovetail into a cultural obsession with how anyone thousands of years ago and/or in another country does things better than we do here and now？ Does this book bridge the divide between Bringing up Bebe and the paleo diet？The introduction to the whole book， as well as the bucolic introductions to each of the "ancient cultures，" suggest so。 Doucleff comes across as surprisingly anti-scientific for a PhD in chemistry as she expresses her frustration with modern research-based child-rearing， including--weirdly enough， because it's pretty well established--precautions against SIDS。 I'm sure she would be mortified to hear it， but， sister， you are just one intuitive leap from anti-vax rhetoric。 It's true that child development has， like every social science， suffered from a lot of garbage studies that never got replicated。 And it's true that a lot of disproven or impractical parenting advice outstays its welcome。But it's also true that "what has worked for thousands of years" in other cultures might be a really bad idea， too。 For example， footbinding in China persisted for more than 1，000 years; I'm not interested in bringing it back。 Female infanticide in some Polynesian cultures。 Genital mutilation。 （In fact， all kinds of abuse and disfigurement of women children。） But there's also the more benign stuff that's bad， like not letting women breastfeed their babies and keeping kids wrapped up in stinky rags for days on end， as Rousseau describes in Emile 。 There's a lot of persistent bad ideas that contributed to high infant （and maternal） mortality rates through those thousands of years。So if I'm so opposed to the primary philosophy behind this book， why am I giving it four stars？Because of the particulars。 The advice from this book， the takeaways， are fantastic。 It's absolutely true that the modern （read: the 21st century， upper-middle class， college-educated， coastal） way of parenting is bonkers bananas。 Constantly indulging kids is bad for them and bad for parents。 It creates a series of battles and resentment and perceptual ill-will， and， indeed， it doesn't "raise" the kids--they don't become adults。Instead， say Mayan and Inuit and hunter-gatherer tribes in South America and East Africa， bring the kids into the adult world。 * Have kids participate in family activities and work that matters， whether that work is gathering fruit for the whole tribe or doing laundry together。 I especially like the "together" aspect--instead of sending the kid off to clean their room and then being mad they do a bad job， work together as a family to clean the house， seeing yourself as a mentor of "how to clean" for your kid。* Emphasize that losing one's temper， hitting and screaming are behaviors of small children。 Don't be surprised if kids do them， and certain you don't engage in them， and also teach children that they want to grow up and leave this childish outbursts behind。* Engage a wide "alloparent" network to bring kids into the adult world， give yourself a break， and demonstrate the wide variety of acceptable adult lifestyles in your community。 Alloparents can also include other kids， even just slightly older kids。 （See "have the kids participate in family work" above。）These are important antidotes to a kid-centered parenting philosophy that brings the adult into the kid world without bringing the kid into the adult world。 They aren't， though， exclusive to the exotic locales where Doucleff dreamily recounts the sun over the Serengeti or the pink of a 19th-century Spanish church。 She mentions off-hand that her husband's father had a similar upbringing as a child of immigrants working in the family bakery， and I think many families of all nationalities and cultures who live on farms and ranches， or run a family business， or even just have large numbers of children， will probably see a lot of familiar parenting in these pages。 。。。more

Chickpea ，

I absolutely loved this book。 Written by a mother recognizing her privilege yet struggling to raise her daughter in San Francisco， she thought， "There has to be a better way" and embarks on an exploration of ancient cultures around the world to find the secrets of raising children。 This book is very eye opening， shining a light on our culture， and also fascinating to learn more about other cultures。 I absolutely loved this book。 Written by a mother recognizing her privilege yet struggling to raise her daughter in San Francisco， she thought， "There has to be a better way" and embarks on an exploration of ancient cultures around the world to find the secrets of raising children。 This book is very eye opening， shining a light on our culture， and also fascinating to learn more about other cultures。 。。。more

Alison ，

4。5 stars。 Probably my favorite parenting book thus far。 Lots of great， practical suggestions on things I can do better。 Particularly loved increasing/allowing more help， teaching through stories， and responding to misbehavior with a “consequence puzzle。” Grew less enamored as the book progressed。 While having community and family support is clearly the ideal， it’s not realistic for our circumstance。

Marie ，

Interesting。 I'll take some and leave some。 Could be repetitive。 Interesting。 I'll take some and leave some。 Could be repetitive。 。。。more

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Hunt, Gather, Parent (Export)

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Hunt, Gather, Parent (Export)&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Hunt, Gather, Parent (Export)&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0